As I watch the news headlines scroll across my television screen, I’m left in a state of helplessness and heartbreak over the lost lives and utter destruction taking place in Ukraine and across the globe. In the last few weeks of praying for the Ukraine/Russian war, the Lord continually reminded me that He is in control and has a purpose and a plan through even this sudden terror.
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When I was a freshman in high school, my friend in the youth group made a bet with me that I would be married by the time I turned 25. While the bet was made partly in jest, the lingering idea that I could be married made me hopeful. So I followed Jesus closely throughout high school and college, avoiding the many temptations that encompass the college party scene, assuming the Lord would honor the bet by granting me a godly husband by 25. In my mind, I thought that I had to wait for a few months then God would lead a godly man that looked like Jess Mariano straight to my doorstep.
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For as long as I can remember, insecurity has been a part of my life. As a child, I had a skin disease called vitiligo, which causes loss of color that appears in patches. Fortunately, these blotches have become far less noticeable as I’ve grown up in the desert sun, but during junior high, I was incredibly insecure about my pale skin. I had ultra-white patches on the eyelids which made it look like I was constantly wearing eyeshadow and I always had to wear twice as much sunscreen as everyone else and constantly take breaks during my soccer games to reapply. Until wearing make-up became acceptable and age-appropriate, I would hate seeing myself in the mirror.
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I would like to consider myself a woman reasonably gifted with words. I normally know how to string sentences together, but I also tend to talk way too much and too often (even making a career out of it!) so perhaps I’ve just had a lot of practice. My greatest God-moments, though, are when He is working in a way that I can’t explain or write down, and He gently whispers to me, “Rest in Me, instead of needing to define Me.”
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Singleness. That word can feel heavy. Talking about singleness evokes many emotions and opinions. Sometimes this world looks at singleness as some sort of rare and life-strangling disease that can only be cured by excessive dating. I cannot tell you how many times I’m told statements like “any new man in your life?” or “have you tried putting yourself out there?” or “you’re just too picky!”. These statements place a painful burden on singles that make us feel we are missing out on something and even worse, feelings as if God is holding out on us. I know the temptation to doubt God’s promises is dangerously entrapping, but singleness is not a problem to be fixed, but a blessing to be cherished.
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For several months, I had been having surreal, petrifying nightmares startling me awake in utter panic and terror that something tragic was happening to my loved ones. These weren’t premonitions or ordinary “you-had-too-much-to-eat” nightmares, but I believe, were demonic attacks from the enemy in an attempt to strike inordinate fear and panic into my mind to keep me from the pursuit and surrender toward Christ.
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For many of us, it appears we seem to be in an unending, tumultuous, and painful wilderness of trials, disappointments, and heartbreak. Deep down in the hearts of His people is the desperate need and yearning for refreshment and revival of soul and spirit. Scripture tells us this life-changing healing can only come from the presence of the Lord.
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This past week, I sat in a courtroom looking into the eyes of the two defendants responsible for breaking into my car, stealing my identity to commit fraud, and causing such stress, anxiety, and fear for me these last few months. While panicking, waiting for the judge to address the courts, I was reminded of the words Jesus prayed on the cross for the very ones crucifying Him, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
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