Heartbreak hurts terribly. I never realized how much a broken heart would hurt until it happened to me. Before that, I thought it was simply a figure of speech, but if you’ve been through heartbreak, you know it really hurts your heart physically and emotionally. Through this season of heartbreak, I have felt what seems like an unbearable amount of pain, but through this pain, I have been able to see the beauty of His purposes and plans for my life and how God is shaping me.
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Only when we have the eternal perspective and the blessed hope of Heaven will we be able to navigate through life’s inevitable heartbreaks and heartaches successfully. Jesus said to a group of anxiety-ridden and heartbroken disciples, “Let not your hearts be troubled...In My Father’s house are many mansions...I go to prepare a place for you!” (John 14:2). He would say the same to you in your days of difficulty. I know, for that’s what He spoke to me as I experienced several friends and family taken home to Heaven.
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A few years ago, I had the beautiful privilege of teaching God’s Word at the local women’s shelter and gave a glimpse of my story to them hoping to encourage and strengthen their walks with Jesus. Later that night, fiercely overanalyzing everything I told them, these words became even more real: “Jesus not only saves us from our past but saves us from what we would have become.”
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Several years ago, I purchased a new-to-me Chevy S10 truck. It certainly had come with its additional challenges in that I had to learn how to drive a standard vehicle for the first time. This experience brought back several memories of learning how to drive and spiritually taught the important lesson of going back to the very basics. Learning how to drive again taught me the benefits of raw learning— accepting correction and rebuke and not giving up after a stall….or two or twelve.
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A few summers ago, in the midst of deep grief and loss, I had hit my breaking point and took an impromptu trip to Orlando to not only visit my friends, but in honesty, to run away from my present circumstances, get some distance, and escape from the things God was calling me to do.
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In times of isolation, quietness, and solitude, the noise of this world becomes amplified and the lies of the enemy can become overpowering leading to anxious thoughts, thoughts doubting God’s goodness, and hesitation to fully embrace the identity of who God says we are.
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I remember going on a date to a really fancy restaurant--you know the kind with chandeliers, grand pianos, and place settings that make you forget all your table manners. I felt so uncomfortable, insecure and almost guilty for making this beautiful restaurant seem dirty or somewhat tainted with my presence.
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Does anyone else feel the heaviness of grief as the death toll continues to skyrocket overnight? Are you experiencing overwhelming disappointment as more and more events are cancelled? As another day goes by without a cure for this virus? Does anyone feel insulted by the enemy’s tactics to isolate and divide God’s people during this national crisis?
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I tossed aside another wedding invitation, got another text message about my friend’s graduate school acceptance, saw yet another pregnancy announcement, and agonized over another Facebook “in a relationship” status change that overwhelmed my news feed. I said farewell to a close friend as he got to travel cross-country.
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This wasn’t the life I had planned. It wasn’t part of the carefully filled out “five-year” plan I completed in senior English. This wasn’t what I had strived for, what I imagined, what I dreamt of. It was nothing I would have wanted for myself. By now, I should be putting a down payment on a house. I should have my New York Times bestseller published.
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“Break up your fallow ground” means to rend your heart, break down the barriers of your soul, and repent. I believe one of the hardest things to admit, especially for those “seasoned saints” or anyone who has walked with the Lord for any length of time, is our misunderstanding of repentance. I will admit that I once believed the word “repent” was directed only towards unbelievers or used only in the context of an altar call. Until recently, I never embraced the beauty that repentance brings to my relationship with Jesus.
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