Our experiences in life shape how we move forward in the future and how vulnerable we are with others. Habits that we fed as we grew up have affected the daily choices that we make now. We are humans who live out patterns, and we can see that in our own lives because of the choices—or lack thereof—that we make.

Our social experiences, good or bad, from childhood through adolescence, shape how we face social circumstances as we get older. These experiences either fuel us to seek out relationships or make us shy away. Depending on how we have been hurt by people, seen hurt around us, or believed lies about our self-worth, affects how we move forward in our pursuit of relationships. We create protective coping mechanisms that influence us the rest of our lives. This dictates how we connect with others, what we share with people, and how we prioritize community. 

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Proverbs 17:17

When we are not aware of our tendencies, we get continually frustrated with others and ourselves. For example, when our community does not meet our expectations, we may have trouble making friends or staying consistent in pursuing community. Asking God to reveal to us how our past might be affecting how we interact with others today, might be a good first step. When experiencing emotions or patterns that continually frustrate us and begin to seem normal, we should consider if there is something deeper. 

Growing up, I faced hurt by feeling like I could never find a community or friends, at school or church, that I felt like I really got connected. I saw others around me who seemed to be flourishing in community or finding that “best friend.” In my hurt and disappointment in relationships I would ask, “God what about me?” This pain, as a young girl, has followed me to this day, creating the lie that I won't find a community that is right for me. This disappointment runs deep and is rooted in other things that I still need to deal with and unhealthy ways of thinking. 

The lie that I have believed has taken me further from community, put up walls, and has made me feel unworthy of good relationships. I have not gone to events because I believed this lie. I have missed opportunities to be vulnerable and start new conversations.

Do you want to know what is so good about God? He meets me where I am at, reveals  His Truth to me, and provides the opportunity to heal. But I have to choose this, put down my pride, and trust that God has good things in store for me. Regardless of finding a community, God can also be that for me in every season.

So, we all have past hurts that hold us back from experiencing community and being vulnerable with others. We all have different steps to take, but what might it look like for you?  Maybe spending more time with God in prayer, journaling, and asking Him why you are struggling in this area. Maybe hanging out with that new friend that has been trying to connect with you. Or you may want to seek counsel or talk to someone who can help guide you through this season. Ultimately, you can take comfort in Christ, who is always our True Friend and Savior.

Are you letting your past experiences tarnish your present relationships?

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

My name is Moriah Spencer and I’m an English Major at Nyack College. Ever since I was young I have had a passion to create. Whether that be writing a story, painting, or decorating my room. God has given me a desire to share how He has changed my life and I am excited to take you along on my journey!